I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
