not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
