i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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