yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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