Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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