My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
