i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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