if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
