he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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