I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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