Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize