It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
