I seem to have left my pride at pride
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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