is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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