i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize