My liver just broke up with me...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
