I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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