either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize