Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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