She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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