I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
