from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
