Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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