I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
