Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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