I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
