The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize