the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
