I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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