The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
why does every cop we meet know your name?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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