I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
