He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
