Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You dont lie about slip and slides
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
