I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
