i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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