i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
