i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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