My room smells like vodka and shame
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
