Yo dont text me then not text me
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
