Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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