Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
