I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
