Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
