Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize