I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
