I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How does one acquire holy water?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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