we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize