I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
