how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
