apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize