bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
