would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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