you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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