Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
