I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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