I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
