Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
