we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
