I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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