I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize