I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
