Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
