found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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