You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
