the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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