I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
