i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
