Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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