There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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