uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
