mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
