Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just tell him i said nine months
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
