FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
