carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
