just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
